Self-Harming Signs in Your Teenager

How Parents Can Spot a Child Who May Self-Harm  

Discovering that your teen might be someone who engages in self-harming is an emotional experience. It’s natural for parents to feel overwhelmed and confused because it’s a serious behavior often linked to underlying mental health issues.

One of the most important things for parents and caregivers to understand: self-harm is often a sign of emotional pain – not attention-seeking. By learning to recognize the signs and respond with compassion, you can learn to help your teen.

Self-harm typically begins in the teenage or early adult years, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Adolescents may use it as a way to feel a temporary sense of control or stress release.

Teens may self-harm to:

• Escape feelings of anger, loneliness or emptiness
• Punish themselves for perceived mistakes
• Feel something when emotionally numb
• Distract themselves from anxiety or intrusive thoughts

Even if NSSI may provide temporary relief, it doesn’t solve the underlying emotional pain. Sometimes, self-harm occurs alongside depression, trauma or bullying. 

Subtle warning signs your teen may be self-harming

Self-harm can be difficult to detect. Parents can watch for these signs:  

• Withdrawal from family or friends
• Wearing long sleeves or pants even in hot weather
• Unexplained cuts, burns or scars
• Avoiding activities like swimming that may reveal skin
• Mood changes including irritability and sadness
• Low self-esteem or verbal self-blame 

If you believe your teen is experiencing an urgent mental health crisis or in danger due to self-harming, don;t wait. Call 988 immediately or seek the nearest emergency room.

What can parents do to help their teenager? 

If you suspect your child is self-harming, try to approach the topic with calm and care. Expressing anger, panic, or shame can push your teen further into secrecy.

Let them know you love them unconditionally and want to help them feel better. Even if your teen doesn’t open up immediately, family support creates a safe space for future conversations. Remember: self-harm is treatable.  

Professional help is often essential with self harming. Therapists trained in adolescent mental health can work with your teen to uncover the reasons behind the self-harm and help them develop efficient coping strategies. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and a trauma-informed approach can be very effective treatments.